the office was on last night, and i'm re-watching it now. best show ever, i love it.
okay so my dad's officially an asshole. he's been yelling at me for absolutely no reason, he apologizes after but still. it's really obnoxious. i'm so sick of him right now.
i can't wait to move out. if i could leave for college this weekend i would. but i have two more years. and it sucks. highschool sucks, my home sucks. when i skip meals and count calories and check my weight all the time, i used to feel guilty about the pain i was causing my parents, but i don't anymore. they play a huge part in why i am the way i am today. my mom makes comments all the time about how i probably shouldn't eat too much, and at bad times like when i'm leaving for school and not so sure about how i look/what i'm wearing. she, without fail, always tells me that i probably could stand to lose a few pounds. and my dad still calls me mighty whities because of my fat pale thighs. like that's his only nickname for me. so.. i don't really feel bad or guilty about wanting to starve anymore.
i want to lose weight so badly. i'm so excited to be skinny. i felt a lot more skinny today, i don't know why, but it was great. i hope to be under 120 by homecoming, which is around the third week of october. i really want to go with M the cute football player in homeroom. we almost went to a party together tonight but he had a game. he asked me to come to his game next week! lol anyways, i need to be skinny by homecoming and i have to stay skinny for halloween, everyone wears sexy slutty costumes and i want to look amazing in mine! so i'm going to put together a schedule and i'm going to stick to it.
the homecoming game is the 22nd so homecoming is the 23rd... almost exactly a month! i think i'm 126 right now, just a guestimate... with all the binging lately, i don't want to step on a scale. maybe tomorrow morning? we'll see. i want to be 118 by homecoming, that's a good number right? and that's only 2 pounds a week. so:
by 10/2/10 i should be 124, by 10/9/10 i should be 122, by 10/16/10 i should be 120, and by 10/23/10 i'll be 118. i'd really love to lose more but hopefully i'll surprise myself and end up lower than 118. according to a couple calorie counters, i have to eat under 700 calories a day.
everyday i'll drink water and diet soda. i can either have coffee (100) or a granola bar (180). i'll burn at least 200 calories everyday on my stationary bike. for dinner i'll take small portions since my mom always makes me eat. i can usually get away with under 500 for dinner. that makes a total intake of 600 for coffee days and 680 for granola bar days (without subtracting whatever i burn off).
i'm going to make some rewards for when i hit my goals, i'll come up with those in the next post. sorry if i've been rambling a bit, i've been trying to figure this out as i go along lol. i'm also making an ana bracelet! any ideas? i think seeing it every time i reach for some food will stop me. well thanks for putting up with my rambly post loves :) i'm gonna go to sleep for now, but i'll post again lataa. think thin and stay skinny lovelies, xox liz.
oh! and p.s., this is one of the photos i turned in for photography class this week! i've been talking to some of you girls about art lately and i just wanted to show you some of what i do :)
the guide word for our project was 'ecology' and i decided to focus on texture. there are 3 more pictures in the series but this one is my favorite, even though it isn't edited yet here. it's a pinecone, i used expansion tubes to get really close in. so yeah, i do photography like this and drawing :)