Tuesday, October 26, 2010

i'm sorry..

last night i self harmed, i know i told you that i wouldn't but... i deserved it. and it made me feel better. so i'm not going to promise that i won't do it again, i want to do it again, but i'm going to try to make that a rare thing. i don't want to rely on that, i have too many bad habits already.

it's taking all that's inside of me not to crawl into bed and not come out for a couple weeks. i'm disappointed in myself, both for a: having these thoughts in my head that i want to starve and b: the fact that i can't even do it. i can liquid fast and restrict as much as possible but when it comes to an actual fast, i fail. i'm just so fed up with myself and this and everything i my life, i'm exhausted and i have no energy left.

you girls are the only people i have to talk to, and i hope you know how much you all mean to me. i was thinking of telling my best friend about all of this and all these thoughts i have but now i'm not so sure, i don't know how she'd react. i'm still thinking about it.

i need a hug right now... haha. that's the only way i can think to put it. i feel like a little kid but i really just want a hug from my mom. i know that sounds dumb, i just miss being her little girl, i don't want her to see me as her fat reject teenager anymore.

i miss being the perfect little girl, i want to be her perfect little girl again.

that's pretty much it for tonight, i hope you all are doing well. i love you girls so much.

xox liz


  1. *hugs* I'm sorry you're feeling like this :( Hang in there- it will get better xxx

  2. don't do that hun :( it'll get better. It really will. Be safe.

  3. sorry doll. i know it's a battle between loving&hating it. hang in there. fingers crossed for a sunny tomorrow for you.

  4. HUG!!

    I understand how you feel, but please dont ever think that you deserve to be hurt...by yourself or anyone else.

    i love you, i'm always here to talk

  5. *HUG*
    And i know exactly how you feel. Never tell yourself that you won't self harm because you feel worse about it when you end up doing it. But frenzy is right, you don't ever deserve to be hurt.

    i hope everything gets better<3


  6. have a hug from me. i love you xxxxxxx

  7. Hugs hugs and more hugs from another random blogger :)

    Don't promise yourself you won't do something because you always end up feeling even worse if you do it.

    I hope things improve hun.

  8. I bet your mom would love a big hug. Maybe give it a try? Or watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

    Makes me smile and feel warm and fuzzy.

    You are the perfect girl. I promise.

    <3 Eva