worst. football. game. ever.
i barely knew anyone, none of my close friends were there when i got there. so i sat with some girls who just complained about their boyfriends the entire time and it was horrible. i sat with M's best friend for literally about 10 minutes when people starting asking if we were dating. no, not me and M, me and M's best friend. i texted my friend talking about how ridiculous that was and she told me that M's best friend has a thing for me. sure, i'm flattered. but i'm not attracted to him and he's really boring... so no. that's not ever happening. and also? if M's best friend likes me, M has to respect that and can't make any moves. on the plus side, M looks really hot in his football uniform and our team won 14 - 7 so we're undefeated!
but here's the worst part. my best friends, like since 5th grade through thick and thin best friends, all came without me. they had been hanging out, every single fucking one of them together without me. they came for about 10 minutes, said hi quickly, then left without saying bye. all of them. just walked right out of the bleachers and forgot about me. this wouldn't be such a big deal if they hadn't been doing this all the time recently. i'm so sick of it, my friends suck ass. literally. i hate high school.
on the plus side, i got to skip dinner. totally ruined it today with a like 500 calorie sandwich. i couldn't help it, my mom made me it and watched me eat it. i feel disgusting now. my stomach isn't as good as processing fats as it used to be. i get stomach aches and pains, it sucks. i need a detox plan for tomorrow. i feel greasy and fat and bleh. i was 125 this morning, despite all the recent binges. i really want to get under 120, i'm determined. my appetite always goes away on my period and then i get used to not eating as much and THEN i can lose a lot :) haha i'm excited. it's a new month and a new start.
another thing. i'm determined to get M. deeetermined. this happens a lot, it turns into a game for me and i have to win.. and then if i do i don't usually want the guy afterwards. i know that sounds horrible and cruel but.. it's fun. boys a cruel, girls can be cruel too right? but sometimes it turns out that i do want the guy. that's how J started out at least and that turned into a relationship that's been on and off for three years. so we'll see about M. haha.
i think i need some goals. i mentioned putting some together sometime, they're nice motivation. i need to go shopping so that's definitely going to be on there. well... i don't need to go shopping haha i want to go shopping. but for smaller clothes, i don't want to get some clothes now and then lose weight after my period and then have to go get more clothes. and by the way, my feet got smaller? i used to wear these ballet flats when i was over 130 that fit perfectly and now they're way too big. and shoes i've grown out of are the right size now? has that happened to any of you girls/ is that normal? i'm pretty confused... there's not a whole lot of fat on your feet. and i'd rather be losing fat from my lovehandles/tummy/thighs/arms/anywhere BUT my feet. skinny feet and a fat body don't go well together.
okay so this is the last thing i have to say: my thinspo collection is HUGE now. over 250 pictures. i've been saving pictures that i see on the internet and that you girls post to my ipod (so nobody can find them unless they look really hard and i can take them with me where ever i want). i'm going to post one every day i think. or more than one. we'll see how it goes.
i hope you ladies are doing well, thanks for reading if anyone's still with me, i know this post is kinda long. stay skinny! xox liz.
that's emily didonato, love her.
p.s. thank you all for your lovely comments, i'm catching up on your blogs tonight i promise! xox