i'm a bitch. i screwed up really badly and hurt J. really badly. and i didn't even know.
i really want to cut right now. i've been digging my fingernails into my hand, just to make anything other than my heart hurt. i can't eat. even if i wanted to, i couldn't. my heart and stomach feel like they're being torn apart and shoved back up my throat. i got to 120 this morning. no effect. i'm fatter than i was yesterday. and i'm a horrible person.