Wednesday, December 8, 2010

i don't know how to be something you miss

i'm a bitch. i screwed up really badly and hurt J. really badly. and i didn't even know.

i really want to cut right now. i've been digging my fingernails into my hand, just to make anything other than my heart hurt. i can't eat. even if i wanted to, i couldn't. my heart and stomach feel like they're being torn apart and shoved back up my throat. i got to 120 this morning. no effect. i'm fatter than i was yesterday. and i'm a horrible person.

So I watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are

And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in the weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind

I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

i know taylor swift is very cliche teenage girl of me but fuck it. 

xox liz

1 comment:

  1. It's alright to feel a pang of remorse when you hurt someone else, unintentionally or intentionally...but don't mistake the fact that his feelings are not your actual responsibility. Don't harm yourself over it or wallow in guilt that doesn't really belong to you.

    Neither of those things is productive and most of the time, hurting one another is also how we learn from one another. We can turn those hurts into stronger selves and stronger relationships, you know? By being honest, and courageously admitting to fault where necessary and to innocence where it applies.

    The situation you two are in wasn't handcrafted by you alone. His own actions contributed to his hurt feelings, eh? Let him work through that part on his end while you take care of your feelings on your end.

    You are not a horrible person, you are human and you are growing.