sorry i couldn't think of a title so it's lyrics from an eminem/lil wayne song, called no love. it's an amazing song, i adore both of them.
i know i've been a terrible follower recently, i'm super sorry. i don't feel like i have anything important to say and i definitely am in no position to be giving any advice. i've been reading though, i haven't completely abandoned you all. i'm not a failure in that way.
i wrote out all these comment replies, but they were just so awkward, i'm having an especially awkward day haha but thank you all so much for supporting me, i really really really appreciate it. i read your comments over and over, they really mean a lot to me.
i've been reading portia de rossi's book, it's really really wonderful. it makes me cry sometimes, just because i see some of myself in some of the things she does. she's a wonderful writer though, and so honest about absolutely everything, i really recommend you all read it.
i'm trying to open up about one thing every post, just so you girls get to know me a bit better.... so today, a little about what goes on in my head... i have two voices, one that tells me i'm fat and one that says fuck it, eat. i don't think that i actually hear voices, they don't sound like someone in the real world talking, it's just like there... i know that makes no sense, but i really don't think i'm as crazy as this sounds. the first one tells me that i'm disgusting and a pig, i don't deserve to eat ever. the other one tells me i deserve it, i skipped breakfast and lunch, so why not eat dinner. or that my intake is already so high that it doesn't matter. i feel absolutely crazy, just completely psycho. so i was wondering, do you all have this thing in your head, like a running commentary on everything you put in your mouth? am i absolutely nuts? be honest.
okay a progress pic. now i've posted the first two images once before but i updated the last one.
i'm not sure what the first weight is, then 130ish, and 124.
picture's been taken down for anonymity purposes, sorry.
i can't look at these, especially the first picture, without gagging. i want to put purell on my eyes.. i'm really so sorry you have to see that, i'd give you some bleach for your eyes if you were here.
sooo basically this post summed up in one phrase, i'm a crazy fatass... hahaha.
i hope you all are doing well, thanks again to those who commented, and to those who read.