Thursday, June 24, 2010

tell me what you know about them night terrors, every night

"I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good.''
-Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi

So I've been reading Wintergirls, which is one of the best books I've read recently, and I just finished it legit like 10 minutes ago. I might accidentally give something away, just a warning, but I'll try not to. At first, her success with anorexia made me want to try harder. I read about her journey and how thin she was getting and couldn't help myself but turn green with envy, especially when she reached 100 then 95 pounds and just kept dropping weight. But then I realized how much her life sucked when she just kept losing weight, the cutting and lonliness and haunting didn't seem like somehing I wanted to put myself through. 
Then there was a question someone asked on a blog I follow, wondering what was going to happen after we reached our goal weights. I tried to think and find out what I'd do when I got there. I mean, what is there to do? Anorexia and starving myself will be the only things I know and am good at. It'll have taken over my life and I won't be able to stop. I'd love to never stop, just to keep losing and losing until I fade away but then again, there are some good things in my life, how am I supposed to just let them all go? I don't know the answers to any of these fucking questions. If any of you have any advice, I'd love that. But, for right now I'm taking a break. I need to sort lots of things out. Sorry it took me such a long post just to get to this point, my bad. But anywho, I'll probably be back soon but right now I just need to sort through this confusion that's taking over my brain. Stay lovely girls, do what makes you happy and healthy. Xox be back soon. Liz.

1 comment:

  1. I just read that book myself a couple weeks ago. I underlined so many things that I'm guilty of, so many things that have been part of my life for so long that I never stopped to acknowledge just how fucked up they are.

    I felt sick, when I finished reading it. Seriously, sick to the core. I think that's the point, though. The reason she wrote it? To shine light on us, and herself.

    I hope you find the answers you seek, or if not the answers, then the road to take which will help uncover those answers.

    A bientot.