trying to stay out of the kitchen...

i'm so hungry. it's annoying, i don't know how to fix it. i might just go have a diet soda. i've had about 90 calories today because of a stupid chocolate raspberry luna bar. it was so tempting and i only ate half but i'm still frustrated with myself. i've gotten to the point again where any intake is a bad intake, i don't want to settle for an easy 500, which is what i've been doing for the last couple of weeks. 

i might try to make some low fat asian salad dressing but i'm not sure, the recipe i have has mustard in it and i can't STAND mustard. so we'll see....

M is just complicated. not much to update, except we're like best friends now... but other than that, nothing. 

my parents are going to be out until about 11 the night of homecoming which means... pregaming! we usually can't find a place to pregame but this time basically my entire friend group is coming over, there's going to be about 30 of us, i hope my house doesn't get wrecked... i'll be pissed if it does. 

i still need a dress. and shoes. and a date. damn it.

i'm looking forward to buying the dress/shoes though, i've lost a bit recently and i always feel good trying things on when i've lost. i've realized that i'm a full 10 pounds lighter than during the summer and i'm really happy with it. of course i'd like to lose more, i don't think there's every going to be a time when i don't want to lose more... but i'm happy with this loss, you can definitely see it a bit. i have cheekbones now? maybe. they're still coming in haha.

my mom told me i've looked thin lately while i was leaving the house this morning... which while it feels good, i have a tough time lying about it. i mumbled something about how i'm just losing the weight i gained this summer but i know she knows that isn't true. she knows all the signs, my aunt/her sister is a mostly recovered anorexic so my mom grew up next to an eating disorder, i'm pretty sure she'll eventually completely figure me out. hopefully i'll be out of the house by then... 

so, this morning i was 124! i think i'm on a bit of a plateau recently, i was 124 yesterday as well... i want that to change. it's the same was it was when i was about 133, i just couldn't get under 130. but i eventually did and i will with 120 too, i'm determined!

and the thing i've wanted to say most while writing this post: thank you girls so much for your concern on my last post. i appreciate it so much, i'm okay now and don't worry, i've learned my lesson. the pumping made me feel like shit and so did the pills. while they took away my problems for a couple hours, they fucked me over in the long run. things like that aren't going to happen again lovelies, don't worry. i appreciate your concern so much though, you girls are amazing and so special and wonderfully supportive and i love you all. i couldn't have been luckier in finding you all.

i hope you all are doing well lovelies, stay skinny. xox liz

update: staying out of the kitchen by posting worked! one 60 calorie hot chocolate makes it 150! and soup is for dinner. i'll probably be able to keep it under 300 today, yay :)