because i see sparks fly every time you smile

first of all, M is the most adorable guy in the whole world. i wish i could put all of him into a post and show you all everything that makes my tummy do flips. he makes me forget about everything bad in my life. i don't know how he does it, but he does. and he's good at it.

i know last post i said that i really needed a hug and i felt the love from all of you commenters, i love you girls so much. thanks for all your support. trust me, it really really goes a long way, i'd feel so alone without you all. i couldn't have found a better community to be a part of. and i know i'm not playing my part as much as i should, i want to comment more and i will, i promise! if i'm not already following your blog (i tried to follow everyone who follows me), just comment and leave the url or something, there are a few cases where i can't find one, so just lemme know, i'd love to follow all of you :)

to follow up on my last post, i had a talk with my mom. well.. less of a talk, more like a complete emotional breakdown. we got in a tiny argument and i just burst into tears and ran to my room, like the most stereotypical teenage girl (oh and taylor swift lyrics are the title of this post. excuse how much of a cliche teenager i am...). anyways, she followed me up and sat with me for a couple hours, holding me and talking to me and giving me tissues. i was just so tired and stressed and sick of everything. i didn't tell her about ana but i told her all about how much i struggle to keep up in school and how i don't think i'm as smart as the other people in my classes. she just listened and told me that she loved me, like a mom is supposed to.  it was nice to feel like her little girl again, even if it was just for a couple hours. i've missed her acting like a mom and treating me like her daughter.

i haven't hurt myself since the last post, i'm not promising i won't, i'm just saying i haven't. i have these big ugly cuts on the side of my wrist now, i feel really ashamed. but i know that will probably wear off when i get in that kind of mood again, but i don't know. we'll see, i'll let you all know. 

i was 126 this morning... not happy with that. i hate being stuck in this area of 125 to 127. i want to push myself lower and lower, but it's not working. i'm about to start my period so i'm always constantly craving, hopefully i can resist. i want to be 120 so badly.

on a completely different note than all this, i'm going to the jon stewart rally tomorrow! it's actually one of the most exciting things i think i've ever done. obama's supposedly going to talk and all these singers are going to be there and it's going to turn into a giant concert. i don't know for sure, those are all probably rumors but anyways, i'm really excited. i feel like i've lived next to dc my entire life, i should at least take part in something like this. this is the website, apparently 100,000 people are coming to this, and not only from dc, from all over the country. i hope i'll be able to work my way up towards the front, it shouldn't be that hard, i know the place where it's being held really well, and most of the people coming from out of state don't. i'm really really really excited, i'll let you girls know how it goes, and i'll take pictures :)

well i hope you're all doing well, again thanks for all the support on my post a couple days ago. i love you so muchh. 

xox liz

p.s. i'm recently obsessed with the band mumford & sons. i recommend checking them out, i think they're awesome. <3