i'm a complete and utter failure.

i've let myself down, i've let you girls down, i've let ana down. binging comes daily now, i can't control it, i can't control myself. i have to try harder. this isn't too hard, restricting isn't hard, i just suck at it. plain and simple.

side note: where are you girls? i haven't heard from some of you in a while, everything's okay right? i'm worried. don't just leave like this ladies, you're stressing me outt. let me know if something's wrong, i'm here for you all whenever you need it.

oh and my homecoming dress! i never posted pictures.
here:

ignore my obese limbs..

 these are my shoes, it's hard to see here but they're little peep toe booties

sorry for the awkward pose, i was trying not to fall over.. haha

all of the black kind of looks gothic but... hopefully i'll find some bright jewelry and i won't be in complete blackness. in those pictures the dress hasn't been fitted yet but i got it tailored and it should be done by tomorrow.

i need to be 118 by saturday. friday is the homecoming game and saturday is homecoming. as of this morning, i'm 125. i was almost 123 yesterday morning, i was so close.. but i lost it with the god damn chinese food. so that's a little more than a pound a day, i can do that right? maybe? hopefully? ugh...

so yesterday, i measured my body fat percentage on like 10 different websites and averaged them. i got 16.9 % which is absolutely fucking disgusting. apparently i need to be 103 pounds to have 0% body fat. oh i wish

i bought some low fat 100 calorie tomato soup for this week and i'm super excited for it. i also bought some tea, i've always really loved tea but i never really get around to drinking it all that often.  i think this week i'm going to do a liquid fast. i want to at least eat healthy because i feel so gross right now. i just found out that when i sit down cross legged on my bed (like i am now) the fat from my butt and thighs squishes outwards and blends with my love handles. my hipbone barely pokes through. i'm disgusted with myself.

there's not much of substance to post about, i haven't had much to say on here recently.... i think it's partly due to the fact that i feel really out of control and like i've let myself go. i've been binging too often, i need to feel empty again. then my life will be back on track.  when i have food in my stomach i feel ugly, disgusting, disorganized, like a complete mess. so my goal for this week is emptiness. wish me luck.

xox liz