getting your stomach pumped is not as fun as it may seem

i've deduced that you girls are all correct. i need to watch the pills i take. apparently, two nights ago, i mixed too many together. that combined with no sleep and barely eating was not good. when i posted last, on monday morning, i think it was around 1 am for me. i went on to take tons more pills, i don't know what kinds. but judging by what was left in my medicine cabinet, it was a combo of advil and antihistamines and some sleeping medication. 

after that, it gets blurry. i remember seeing the ceiling but i don't remember getting the bruise on the back of my head. according to my mom there was an ambulance but i don't remember that. there was also a pump for my stomach but i don't remember that either. i remember waking up the emptiest i've ever been but the also sorest i've ever been. and i remember the bright lights. they kept me in the hospital to observe me for a couple hours. a counselor came to talk to me and reported back to my parents that there was no signs of me being suicidal. that didn't stop my mom from putting everything remotely medicinal into a box and lock it. she gave me a legitimately two hour lecture about how mixing pills was bad. and now i'm being watched by hawks.

i'm not really even sure why i took that many. i was tired and unhappy with myself but i didn't want to die. i think i just wanted to feel nothing, hence the mass quantities of pain medication. i'm not quite sure. i remember being tired and wanting to go to sleep, and i remember not wanting to feel my fat anymore.

luckily nobody at the hospital mentioned to my parents that they had barely anything to pump out of my stomach. the report was water, mostly pills, and barely any food. the counselor asked me why i had less food than normal people would have in my stomach and i lied and she totally bought it. something about not being hungry, i forget the exact lie.

but... i've learned my lesson i guess. so back on track. yesterday i was fed through a tube, because whatever they did to my stomach left it unable to accept solid food for a couple hours yesterday. i also don't do well with the numbing medication they gave me for my throat. today has been liquids since i've still felt a little weird. my mom's so focused on watching me around medicine that she doesn't watch me eat. today's been about 300 calories.

so ladies. don't mix too many pills. bad idea. stomach pumping hurts even if you're not awake for it, you can feel it when you do wake up. and your parents will go psycho. 

xox liz