what a rainy ending given to a perfect day

the first day of school never lives up to my expectations. today was okay with the exception of lunch. i have cute boys to talk to in basically all my classes, which is a plus, but lunch was awkward. i have a block schedule so i have all new classes tomorrow, except for homeroom, at the end of the day. i sit next to this guy i've always had a little thing for in that class, even with assigned seating, we're right next to each other. we talked all class today... :) lunch is just plain awkward though. i know the people i sit with but i don't know them well enough to joke around with them and have a good time. maybe as the year goes on, lunch will get better.

so the day was okay, with the minor exception of lunch.. until i got home. my parents have been seriously on my ass about eating, every time i go near the kitchen they comment on how i'm not eating enough and how i look thin. i fucking wish. my dad came at me with a chocolate cake recipe this afternoon claiming that if i lost any more weight, he'd make that and i wouldn't be able to resist it. he was trying to be funny, but then he asked me to eat a sandwich. i tried to refuse but it really wasn't going to help my case that i'm an okay weight. i said i'd be down in a minute and when i got there he'd already made it. some fatty mayo concoction, no less than 500 calories. he actually legitimately sat in the kitchen and watched me eat it. it was horrible, i didn't want it and i couldn't refuse it without the accusations. things like that just ruin my day. i was going strong, i hadn't eaten anything and i was feeling great. now i can feel the fat jiggle on my thighs and my stomach pooches. i can feel the amount of cellulite all over my body increasing by the second. gross.

oh and last, for a second i'm going to fall into the cliche of a teenage girl. there is a taylor swift song for every thing going on in my life. every. single. thing. i swear the girl stalks me and then writes songs about me.

to kazehana: i'm working on ignoring what he said, it was just so shocking to hear, i really didn't expect it from him, he never usually says things like that. i'll try to trust the invisible parts of our connection. and thank you so much for the advice girl, it means so much to me.

okay well i've got homework to do.. and all of your blogs to read soo.. i think i'm gonna stick with the blogs haha. stay skinny loves, xox.