tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47989099380922023852024-03-13T19:57:03.114-04:00beauty is an ecstasy; it is as simple as a hunger - MaughamUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger90125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-75128625925784279442011-02-16T23:10:00.002-05:002011-02-16T23:10:47.446-05:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">oh fuck it, here we go again.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-41133176830696256682010-12-30T01:26:00.001-05:002010-12-30T02:27:01.480-05:00goodbye girls.I don't know where to start. I'm laying in bed typing this out on my iPod, that's why all the punctuation is all correct and shit. I got a new scale, my old one was adding at least 10 pounds. My mom wouldn't let me see the number but she said I'm far too underweight.<br />
<br />
So... I've lost my taste for food, no pun intended. I don't get hungry anymore, I don't want food. I have to be forced to eat. <br />
<br />
Isn't that what I've always wanted? <br />
<br />
Why aren't I happy now?<br />
<br />
So I've proved to myself that I can be something without food. I only need very little to survive. The fat that clings to my body isn't there anymore, it's not slowing down my movements anymore, I'm free. The stairs don't creak as I walk on them anymore, the small bits of ice in the gutter don't crack when I walk on them. I've gotten to the point where I don't feel energized after I've eaten, I feel worse, depressed.<br />
<br />
So who wins? Technically I'm thin now (although I don't feel it) and my bones stick out. And that's all I have to show for it. What have I won? It's easier to name what I've lost. My friends are literally all gone. My parents are tired of me and disappointed, I've lost them. I've lost my creativity, something I used to pride myself on, because I can't focus on anything but not eating. I've lost my personality, that sucker is long gone. <br />
<br />
So what have I won? I have hipbones to show, but who's around to show them to but the empty, black eyes staring back at me in the mirror.<br />
<br />
I'm 16 and I'm a little girl again. I have he emotional range of a ten year old, happy, sad, and scared. I have no curves, I look prepubescent. I'm afraid of the fucking dark.<br />
<br />
What 16 year old is afraid of the dark? In the dark I have to face myself. Starving isn't the disease, it's the symptom of something worse. When it's dark I cant see my progress or what's left to fix. I'm stripped of all the superlatives I've worked hard to get rid of and achieve, all that's left is my faulty mind.<br />
<br />
I'm skinny. But I'm alone too. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm empty.<br />
<br />
I haven't won. The force I've worked so hard to beat has beaten me. It has taken control and isolated and hurt me.<br />
<br />
Food has won. <br />
<br />
I might post again, I might not. Goodbye girls.<br />
<br />
For maybe the last time,<br />
a hug and two kisses as usual,<br />
xox <br />
lizUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-1610259766778127812010-12-29T01:33:00.000-05:002010-12-29T01:33:41.100-05:00take me out, fuck me upi literally only have five things to say... life's boring at the moment<br />
<div>1. i was 121 this morning!!!</div><div>2. I LOVE THE TV SHOW SKINS</div><div>3. i got a shit load of presents for christmas and it was awesome</div><div>4. i hope you all had lovely holidays :)</div><div>5. listen to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM0mjukDGRw">this</a> song, i like the words<br />
<br />
</div><div>soo some cintia dicker thinspo:</div><div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">she's so gorgeous</div><div style="text-align: center;">as are all of you :)</div><div style="text-align: center;">hope you're all doing well, xox liz</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-64093020477329449582010-12-24T01:05:00.001-05:002010-12-30T16:06:30.917-05:00i don't go around fire expecting not to sweat<div>sorry i couldn't think of a title so it's lyrics from an eminem/lil wayne song, called <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV2ssT8lzj8">no love</a>. it's an amazing song, i adore both of them.</div><div><br />
</div>i know i've been a terrible follower recently, i'm super sorry. i don't feel like i have anything important to say and i definitely am in no position to be giving any advice. i've been reading though, i haven't completely abandoned you all. i'm not a failure in that way.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>i wrote out all these comment replies, but they were just so awkward, i'm having an especially awkward day haha but thank you all so much for supporting me, i really really really appreciate it. i read your comments over and over, they really mean a lot to me.</div><div><br />
</div><div>i've been reading portia de rossi's book, it's really really wonderful. it makes me cry sometimes, just because i see some of myself in some of the things she does. she's a wonderful writer though, and so honest about absolutely everything, i really recommend you all read it.</div><div><br />
</div><div>i'm trying to open up about one thing every post, just so you girls get to know me a bit better.... so today, a little about what goes on in my head... i have two voices, one that tells me i'm fat and one that says fuck it, eat. i don't think that i actually hear voices, they don't sound like someone in the real world talking, it's just like there... i know that makes no sense, but i really don't think i'm as crazy as this sounds. the first one tells me that i'm disgusting and a pig, i don't deserve to eat ever. the other one tells me i deserve it, i skipped breakfast and lunch, so why not eat dinner. or that my intake is already so high that it doesn't matter. i feel absolutely crazy, just completely psycho. so i was wondering, do you all have this thing in your head, like a running commentary on everything you put in your mouth? am i absolutely nuts? be honest.</div><div><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">okay a progress pic. now i've posted the first two images once before but i updated the last one. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">i'm not sure what the first weight is, then 130ish, and 124.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>picture's been taken down for anonymity purposes, sorry.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">i can't look at these, especially the first picture, without gagging. i want to put purell on my eyes.. i'm really so sorry you have to see that, i'd give you some bleach for your eyes if you were here.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">sooo basically this post summed up in one phrase, i'm a crazy fatass... hahaha.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">i hope you all are doing well, thanks again to those who commented, and to those who read. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">stay skinny</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">xox liz</div><div><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-70986760229004812652010-12-21T23:18:00.000-05:002010-12-21T23:18:58.747-05:00she says she's fine, but she's going insane.i feel like for some reason my posts have been really superficial lately. this post is actually about food, i don't think i've ever shared my habits on here or what days are like for me in respect to food. soo here it goes, opening up.... kind of nervous haha i rarely do this on here, never in person. okay.<br />
<br />
<br />
i'm so tired of everything. i'm physically exhausted because i put off my homework until 11 pm, all during the day i'm counting calories, obsessively cleaning my kitchen, reading about nutrition and what kind of foods to avoid, weighing food, preparing food meticulously and then throwing it out before i eat any. it's exhausting and it takes forever. i have no time for school anymore.<br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">and then there the days i binge. it takes about 10 minutes for me to ruin an entire afternoon. i eat a tray of cookies, a bowl of pasta, sandwiches, some cereal, whatever i can find, as quickly as i can. and it takes me hours to get over it. i sit on the bathroom floor, crying because i feel so sick and full, but also because i don't have enough courage to purge it all up. lying in bed, tortured by my bloated stomach, wishing i could go back to the nice empty feeling i'd had all morning. weighing myself over and over, doing anything i can to get rid of a half of a pound. i read somewhere that dead skin could add up to an extra pound of weight so i spent an hour exfoliating until i was raw and scraped all over. after yesterday's binge i sat in ice water for 3 hours crying. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">and it's all worth it. my grades have dropped in all of my classes, i have no more friends, my relationship with my parents is shitty, i haven't been able to focus on anything but this. but it's worth it. that euphoria when i find out that i've lost another pound is better than any high i could get. this has become my drug, losing weight my addiction, and i have no intention of recovering.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TRF73yarYKI/AAAAAAAAAMU/rJtu3jsXi9o/s1600/232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TRF73yarYKI/AAAAAAAAAMU/rJtu3jsXi9o/s400/232.jpg" width="301" /></a></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">xox liz</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-73042357866734481302010-12-19T01:09:00.000-05:002010-12-19T01:09:10.416-05:00take it easy baby, make it last all nightfirst of all, you girls are hilarious, i love you all so much. i've decided to ignore the girl that i talked about in my last post, she's a waste of time, i agree. thanks for being funny and sweet, it's nice to have you all on my side :)<br />
<br />
sorry for being such a sucky poster/commenter lately, i've had tons of homework lately, it's taking up too much of my time.<br />
<br />
i'm like super inspired right now haha, i know that sounds weird but i am. not so much about losing weight, but about art and what i want to do when i grow up. my mom's friend had this christmas party that i just got home from where i met this guy, maybe like 40 years old who is an artist. he's not super rich or super successful but he's super happy. and he said that when he was going through highschool and college, he didn't focus so much on what exactly he wanted to do, he knew that he loved art and he loved what he did and having that would get him far. his confidence and success was so inspiring, it's really hard to explain, but i'm in a really good mood right now :)<br />
<br />
sooo thinspo today is carmen kass:<br />
<br />
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agh i love her! i want that body, long and lean.<br />
<br />
goodnight lovelies, i hope you all are doing well :) xox lizUnknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-40758238097149946922010-12-16T00:06:00.000-05:002010-12-16T00:06:00.685-05:00i knew i'd found what i was looking fori don't understand why some people are such bitches, honestly. this girl who i've always hated recently found out that i was in a group of people who were ALL talking about how big of a slut she is and she decided i'm the only one she's going to be mad at. and she just updated her twitter (i refuse to use the word tweeted.) "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">Your stupid saggy ass isn't even remorseful for what you did. I hate you." </span>yes ladies and gentlemen, that's me, good old stupid saggy ass. yaaaay.<br />
<div>i could whine all day about how much of a bitch she is buuut she'll eventually figure it out. and eventually her metabolism will get slow so all the mcdonalds she eats every day will go straight to her thighs and she'll puff up. and then i'll laugh.</div><div><br />
fuck high school.<br />
<br />
</div><div>on the plus side, my stupid saggy ass is getting smaller. or at least it should be... i weighed myself this afternoon after drinking like 12 gallons of water and came in around 122. also considering all the bingeing i've been doing lately, that's an alright number.<br />
<br />
also, i found <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjgtxVxE14A">this</a> video that i think is the most adorable thing in the whole entire world. not only do i like the song but the thing the guy is trying to do is so cute. watch ittttt.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I knew I’d found what I was looking for</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Sitting indian style, on the kitchen floor.</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>You’re like pretty Grace Kelly in a black and white scene</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>And you’re batting your eyes cos you know it kills me.</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>You think you feel my heart jumping through my chest?</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>When you look at me it beats three times as fast.</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>And all of this is passing us too quick for regrets.</i></span></span><br />
<br />
i hope i meet a guy that would do something like this. i see all these loveless marriages and relationships, the people in them are so used to being in them that they just stay there, no matter how unhappy they are. i don't want this to be me. i think i'd rather be alone then be completely unhappy... i don't know. i know it sounds like i want a boyfriend right now but i don't think i want one in high school. it's not worth it to me. but what if i don't find one ever? aaaaaaargh i worry too much.<br />
<br />
it's thinspo time, today it's karlie kloss.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdNsLd3yI/AAAAAAAAAKg/u00AhgelLUw/s1600/IMG_0432.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdNsLd3yI/AAAAAAAAAKg/u00AhgelLUw/s320/IMG_0432.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdvQCuAsI/AAAAAAAAAKk/akHCPw5p1EI/s1600/IMG_0434.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdvQCuAsI/AAAAAAAAAKk/akHCPw5p1EI/s320/IMG_0434.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdv3YP1sI/AAAAAAAAAKo/ybUgP8i2JY8/s1600/IMG_0435.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdv3YP1sI/AAAAAAAAAKo/ybUgP8i2JY8/s320/IMG_0435.JPG" width="242" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdwGQzHyI/AAAAAAAAAKs/TV-TgKQC5r8/s1600/IMG_0437.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdwGQzHyI/AAAAAAAAAKs/TV-TgKQC5r8/s320/IMG_0437.JPG" width="248" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdwea20dI/AAAAAAAAAKw/l9KTM3UXzwQ/s1600/IMG_0444.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdwea20dI/AAAAAAAAAKw/l9KTM3UXzwQ/s320/IMG_0444.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdxXPhCgI/AAAAAAAAAK0/yKlbQx1RXxY/s1600/IMG_0445.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdxXPhCgI/AAAAAAAAAK0/yKlbQx1RXxY/s320/IMG_0445.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdxmEi9fI/AAAAAAAAAK4/A6sNOfB2O_k/s1600/IMG_0446.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdxmEi9fI/AAAAAAAAAK4/A6sNOfB2O_k/s320/IMG_0446.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdx5IVmVI/AAAAAAAAAK8/L_Sawm3v1g4/s1600/Karlie_Kloss2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdx5IVmVI/AAAAAAAAAK8/L_Sawm3v1g4/s320/Karlie_Kloss2.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdyCpbd7I/AAAAAAAAALA/eJl1DbAY6M8/s1600/kkloss_10julbs_armani2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdyCpbd7I/AAAAAAAAALA/eJl1DbAY6M8/s320/kkloss_10julbs_armani2.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdydoah8I/AAAAAAAAALE/PCAV-U84_p0/s1600/kkloss_10mar_vogue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdydoah8I/AAAAAAAAALE/PCAV-U84_p0/s320/kkloss_10mar_vogue.jpg" width="226" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdy1L4mzI/AAAAAAAAALI/OoWzv4hIu6E/s1600/kkloss_10may_uk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdy1L4mzI/AAAAAAAAALI/OoWzv4hIu6E/s320/kkloss_10may_uk.jpg" width="243" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">yeah, right.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdzSCkEBI/AAAAAAAAALM/4lkykps6ehg/s1600/kkloss_10maycov_teenv3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQmdzSCkEBI/AAAAAAAAALM/4lkykps6ehg/s320/kkloss_10maycov_teenv3.jpg" width="219" /></a></div><br />
golly she's gorgeous. okay i have a french paper to edit and i have to be up in 5 hours. fuck lifeee.<br />
<br />
xox <s>stupid saggy ass</s> liz<br />
<br />
(sorry still a little bitter hahah)</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-51959251939069660562010-12-15T00:05:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:06:17.918-05:00toucha toucha toucha touch mesorry for the rocky horror picture show title. it's really stuck in my head...<br />
<br />
i'll put up no resistance, i want to stay the distance<br />
i've got an itch to scratch *GASP* i need assistance<br />
toucha toucha toucha touch meeee, i wanna be dirtyyy<br />
thrill me chill me fufill mee, creature of the nightt<br />
lalalalalalaa<br />
<br />
okay got that outta my system. if you haven't seen the movie, go see it. except not at home, don't be lame, see it in the theater. and dress up. it's the best.<br />
<br />
i just finished a two hour long online lecture for history class, it was interesting but it's nice to be done. it took me forever. plus, there wasn't a pause button. sooo no breaks. 120 minutes of civil war facts. yuck..<br />
<br />
i ate too much today, was going fine until i binged during dinner. i just can't seem to get under 120, fml.<br />
<br />
well. a little couples thinspo? i think so. damn i wish i had a boyfriend to be skinny around.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQhMhbuEisI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/hGvbUl8B5hU/s1600/IMG_0638.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQhMhbuEisI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/hGvbUl8B5hU/s1600/IMG_0638.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">i am in love with this picture.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQhMhp6IbyI/AAAAAAAAAKU/_YgjtMD49ME/s1600/IMG_0640.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQhMhp6IbyI/AAAAAAAAAKU/_YgjtMD49ME/s320/IMG_0640.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQhMiE9MAAI/AAAAAAAAAKY/coHsdxsqKeI/s1600/IMG_0848.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQhMiE9MAAI/AAAAAAAAAKY/coHsdxsqKeI/s320/IMG_0848.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQhMiX-I-CI/AAAAAAAAAKc/K5nJH_qIJtM/s1600/z200552908.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TQhMiX-I-CI/AAAAAAAAAKc/K5nJH_qIJtM/s320/z200552908.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">hope you're all doing well lovelies :)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">xox liz</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-67026240131576374642010-12-12T16:39:00.002-05:002010-12-12T16:44:36.144-05:00more victoria's secret thinspoJ and i sorted things out. he's being weird. whatever. boys are complicated.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>i was 122 this morning, i'm really bummed about that. i was 120 yesterday and everything, 2 whole pounds overnight. i'm hoping it's just one of those weird things, in the past i've gained around 2 pounds overnight and dropped it all by the next day. so hopefully it'll be gone tomorrow :) i'm super excited about being so close to getting under 120 and then my low weight. </div><div><br />
</div><div>oh! i found out that one of my friends, i've known her since preschool, is anorexic. i'm not excited that she's going through all that pain obviously, but it's nice to have some one in my daily life to talk to about this stuff. i've always kind of known that she was and she's always kind of known about my weird eating habits but we've never talked openly about it until now. </div><div><br />
</div><div>food has been really grossing me out lately. like to the point where it makes me nauseous to watch someone cook. i don't really know what's going on there. i think it's because i was watching this tv show where they showed someone getting their stomach stapled and i saw what fat looks like from the inside of your body... EW. it's disgusting. and now when i see food, i see it making fat. and when i look down at my body, i see all my problem areas as that gross shit i saw on the little surgical camera. YUCK.</div><div><br />
</div><div>anyways... onto some pictures of people with no fat. lotsa victoria's secret thinspo :)</div><div><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TP7Tgvt2CrI/AAAAAAAAAKM/Ug8xMu6u7Fw/s1600/99887_0193.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TP7Tgvt2CrI/AAAAAAAAAKM/Ug8xMu6u7Fw/s320/99887_0193.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TP7TecVS8gI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/RTV-W2PjO00/s1600/99887_0046.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TP7TecVS8gI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/RTV-W2PjO00/s320/99887_0046.display.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TP7TfVF1wiI/AAAAAAAAAKE/ZPwfL_9zhk0/s1600/99887_0106.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TP7TfVF1wiI/AAAAAAAAAKE/ZPwfL_9zhk0/s320/99887_0106.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TP7TfzDHxlI/AAAAAAAAAKI/knO5cpSf8yE/s1600/99887_0172.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TP7TfzDHxlI/AAAAAAAAAKI/knO5cpSf8yE/s320/99887_0172.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">it's all from the 2010 fashion show-the tough love collection and the pink collection</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">xox liz</div><div><br />
</div><div>p.s. watch <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc0mxOXbWIU">this</a> video, i love this song and the music video makes it even better :) </div><div><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-22431377695295045682010-12-08T20:15:00.000-05:002010-12-08T20:15:14.330-05:00i don't know how to be something you missi'm a bitch. i screwed up really badly and hurt J. really badly. and i didn't even know.<br />
<br />
i really want to cut right now. i've been digging my fingernails into my hand, just to make anything other than my heart hurt. i can't eat. even if i wanted to, i couldn't. my heart and stomach feel like they're being torn apart and shoved back up my throat. i got to 120 this morning. no effect. i'm fatter than i was yesterday. and i'm a horrible person.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>So I watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Hope it's nice where you are</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>And I hope the sun shines</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>And it's a beautiful day</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>And something reminds you</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>You wish you had stayed</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>You can plan for a change in the weather and time</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>But I never planned on you changing your mind</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>So</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I'll go sit on the floor</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Wearing your clothes</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>All that I know is</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I don't know how to be something you miss</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Never thought we'd have a last kiss</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Never imagined we'd end like this</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Your name, forever the name on my lips</i></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; color: sienna; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">i know taylor swift is very cliche teenage girl of me but fuck it. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">xox liz</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-82676959767645725732010-12-06T22:16:00.001-05:002010-12-06T22:30:10.123-05:00my awkward comment repliesi have no way to tell you girls how much what you said on my last post means to me. i'm a horribly awkward comment-replier but i'm going to grow a pair and respond to you each individually, so here it goes:<br />
<b>teaspoon</b>: i'd love to go to the same school haha i wish all of us could. these thoughts are really draining, i'm not happy that you think them too but i'm happy that i'm not alone in this and i'm not the only one who has these feelings. it's hard to always keep my grades up but i know you're right, they're my ticket out of here, i think i'd be much happier if i were with people who liked the same things i do and are more similar to me. i hope i find the energy to continue art, i know i'll find it eventually. and you also seem like a lovely person, thanks for everything you said, you have no idea how much it means to me :)<br />
<b>not.quite.ana</b>: there's no way in hell you sounded invasive demanding or bitchy in your comment, you were helpful and genuine and i need to hear what you have to say. i know exactly what you were feeling in highschool, i hate how lonely and pathetic i am. but reading what you said and thinking about it, i'm starting to slowly (not completely, i don't think this is going to happen overnight) realize the people i'd hurt through suicide. i hope you're right that there are more opportunities down the road. thanks for your comment, i really appreciate it :)<br />
<b>Frenzy</b>: the way you felt in highschool, in your story, is exactly the same way i feel right now, like the <i>exact</i> same thing. i don't have a boyfriend like nick but i can definitely pick out major things in my life that control me and isolate me the same way, and i can't let go of them because i don't know what i'll do without them. i'm glad that the car crash didn't change your mind overnight, that it took time, of course i don't mean that i'm glad you had those feelings but it means i'm not alone, because i don't think these feelings will completely go away anytime soon. and i know that sounds horrible but the one thing i feel the most is loneliness and it's nice to know that someone else went through the same things and had the same exact feelings yet turned out a lovely and wonderful person. i'm so happy you have L and that your life has changed, that gives me hope that i can have a wonderful life eventually. thank you so much for sharing your story, i'm sorry that you felt those things because i know how horrible it is, but i'm so glad you got through it. you're an inspiration and i'm so thankful for your support. it means the world to me <3<br />
<b>Lovely Me</b>: after reading your comment, i actually went back to some of my grandfather's old photographs (he was a naval photographer) and looked at how he got to where he was. he experimented a lot with different styles and it took him years to get really good at photography. so thank you for your advice, i'm definitely going to try new methods, i'm not giving up. thank you so much darling :)<br />
<b>Choose_Life</b>: i think i'm going to grow a pair and go talk to my mom about seeing a therapist and getting some meds for depression, and i'll definitely ask about prozac. i'm glad you're back, it's nice to hear from you again. and i read your bio, if you ever need any support while going through recovery, just let me know. i want you to be happy and i'm happy to talk if you ever need to :)<br />
<b>kazehana</b>: first of all, you're incredibly strong for making it through all that. i feel like a whiney teenage girl when i hear about the things you've gone through. and i understand completely what you mean with the guy who did tai chi on the riverfront. i know i have people like that in my life, who i look to, i don't say anything to them, but rely on them silently. i think i just need to realize that i might be that person to someone else. i never really have thought of myself as important enough to be that person for someone else but i'm working on that, i don't think this can happen overnight. but hopefully it will, eventually. i'm trying to realize the people who would miss me and it's taking a while but i'm trying. thank you for the honesty of your comment, your comments always give me a little wake-up call and definitely not in a bad way, i really needed to hear what you had to say and thanks for saying it :)<br />
<b>Kate</b>: i hope i meet people like that, i really do. it's hard to think that i will, but i really hope so. i know turning to starvation is a terrible idea but it's tough, i'm trying to work on that haha. thank you for writing that even though you didn't have much time, i really appreciate it, thank you so much :)<br />
<b>Eli</b>: thank you so much for your comment, i'm glad i'm not the only one who has her worst moments in the shower. haha. and i'm also glad that you shared your story, knowing that there's someone out there who went through the same things i'm going through and came through wonderfully is helping so much, it's so reassuring. thank you, you sound so sweet, and when i have my bad days, i'll spend it with my family or come on here, thanks for the advice lovely :)<br />
<br />
okay those are my awkward replies to your comments.. hahaha.<br />
<br />
i know this post is pretty long but one last thing: i'm almost 120! i was 121 this morning, i've been steadily losing and it's wonderful. i had a little mess-up today but it was because my dad watched me eat when i got home from school. he patted me on the back and told me i was getting thin, then proceeded to casually watch me fuss around in the kitchen. so i had to eat or else he would have gotten mad and asked questions. he also watched me eat dinner. but he won't be watching tomorrow, i can get away with under 500. so tomorrow will be better :)<br />
<br />
the suicidal thoughts are getting better but i really haven't had a down moment since writing that post, so i don't really know what i'm going to be thinking during one of those. but i'm trying to see a brighter future for myself and i'm forcing myself to realize the people around me who would miss me. it's hard and it's definitely not happening overnight, but i'm trying and i think that's what counts.<br />
<br />
i know i've said this 4 billion times but i'm so grateful for your comments, you girls are so supportive and so lovely, i needed to hear every word you said, thank you so so so much. i can't say it enough.<br />
<br />
xox lizUnknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-23438708143896316192010-12-05T00:08:00.000-05:002010-12-05T00:08:38.977-05:00warning: this is depressing.i haven't exactly been honest with you all. i haven't been lying directly but i haven't been saying everything on my mind. and i really need to.<br />
<br />
i'm so alone. i've isolated myself to the extreme and i've only just been realizing it. i have one real friend. <b>one.</b> i'm not saying that you all aren't real, that really isn't what i meant <i>at all</i>, but in my school, i only have one person and he's shitty. i can't actually rely on him. it's that J guy that i've mentioned before. we've had an on and off thing for a very long time. he's an asshole and a douchebag and he has no fucking regards for my feelings or any respect for me at all, i'd cut him out of my life but i'm just too afraid of how fucking lonely i'll be when i do. i literally won't have anyone to talk to. i know how pathetic that sounds but it's true. i could try to rebuild the relationships i used to have with my girlfriends but they're not that nice, i'm not even sure if i want those back. i don't know what to do.<br />
<br />
my family friend's uncle/brother committed suicide on monday. i didn't know him personally but it really hit home. he was a photographer trying to make it in san francisco and he hadn't had any jobs for a while. he was lonely, only had a handful of friends that he never saw. he had been planning his suicide for years. i think the reason that it makes me so sad is that i love photography, that's what i want to do forever. but i'm not good enough to get jobs or make it big, i simply don't have the talent. i'm lonely and i don't see myself being able to hold on to friends, i'm just not good at that. and i've had suicide thoughts for years now. we're just too similar.<br />
<br />
i've had my share of suicidal thoughts, especially when i'm at my worst. i got to a pretty low point thursday night, i had been doing homework until 2 am and when i got in the shower around that time, i just broke down. i know i've talked about my breakdowns in the shower before, that's where i feel like i can freak out, i don't know why haha. anyways, the thoughts i had about suicide and harming myself and starving were the worst i've ever had. i thought back on what i had been thinking the next day and i was disgusted with myself. but i can't take any of it back, the conclusions i came to thursday night were all true.<br />
<br />
first of all, i was thinking about suicide. i realized a while ago that the only thing keeping me from suicide was my family. i don't think i could ever do that to my parents, my aunt, uncle, cousins, grandpa, or even my dog. but nobody else would miss me. maybe my piano teacher... maybe my art teachers but even that's a stretch. definitely none of my friends, they wouldn't care. but, when i go to college, i won't have my family anymore. my parents won't be around, they won't care anymore. so on thursday i realized that for the next two years, or year and a half, i'm really just waiting to die. and if starvation gets me there and gets me thin along the way, why the hell not.<br />
<br />
i know this is an <u>incredibly</u> depressing post but i need to get this all out and put it <i>somewhere.</i> these thoughts are already horrible, it's even worse keeping them in my head.<br />
<br />
i've lost interest in everything. it's not even fair for me to say i'm interested in art anymore, i just don't have the energy to do it. using pain as an inspiration is not as easy as some people make it seem. my grades are dropping but i don't care. i'm not going to have a future why waste time preparing for it.<br />
<br />
ugh. that's all i feel like sharing right now. maybe more later. this really takes the energy out of me. i've never told anyone this stuff before in my entire life.<br />
<br />
thanks for listening, who ever is still reading. it means a lot. xox lizUnknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-39620284964765341852010-12-02T22:38:00.000-05:002010-12-02T22:38:56.747-05:00you make me feel like i'm livin' the teenage dream.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">the way you turn me on, i can't sleep.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">let's run away and don't ever look back,<i> don't ever look back.</i></span><br />
<br />
sorry i'm lovin that song right now.. and katy perry performed at the.......<br />
<br />
VICTORIA'S SECRET FASHION SHOW! otherwise known as 45 minutes of pure thinspo... it was so good!! i <b>love</b> lingerie for some reason... i watched it yesterday. you can watch it on cbs.com if you missed it, definitely watch it. i love the victoria's secret angels. my friend wants to be one when she grows up. like that's literally the career she wants when she's older... it may not be very smart, i mean, it doesn't make her parents very happy hahaha. but i totally respect it, if i had the body to be one (she kind of does, she needs to work out some more but she's almost there-those angels are ripped!) i'd totally try. although i bet tons of girls want to be one... and they only have like 10 every year. i'm rambling. hahaha.<br />
<br />
i was 125 today, after water and food and everything, i didn't get a chance to weigh myself in the morning. that's good since i've had a couple pretty big binges lately, but i seem to be back heading in the right direction.<br />
<br />
i had salmon today, it was so yummy and so light, i ate one serving, 160 calories, of it and didn't feel heavy or bloated or full, but not hungry at all. looove salmon :)<br />
<br />
okay well that's pretty much it ladies, i hope everything's going well :) and, in the spirit of the vs fashion show, i have some of the pictures from it as thinspo today. i have about 150 pictures downloaded from it overall but i'm only going to put a few up today, i'll save some for lataaa.<br />
<br />
so here are some of the angels, i don't know how many there really are... these pictures are all from previous shows, but they're so gorgeous, i love all these girls as thinspo:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjtjmGzvI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/tcirpQeBs7w/s1600/adriana.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjtjmGzvI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/tcirpQeBs7w/s1600/adriana.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">adriana lima- they other girls said she was the sexiest</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjtx-hHlI/AAAAAAAAAIU/GefwxGQ3EY4/s1600/alessandra.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjtx-hHlI/AAAAAAAAAIU/GefwxGQ3EY4/s1600/alessandra.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">alessandra ambrosio- she's lost some weight since this picture </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjueMkf_I/AAAAAAAAAIY/ghp8UACIqq0/s1600/behati.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjueMkf_I/AAAAAAAAAIY/ghp8UACIqq0/s1600/behati.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">behati prinsloo- the other girls said she's the hipster of all of them</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjuoeXQUI/AAAAAAAAAIc/FFax1ZBTj0E/s1600/candice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjuoeXQUI/AAAAAAAAAIc/FFax1ZBTj0E/s1600/candice.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">candice swanepoel- they said she's got the best body</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjy3l5YeI/AAAAAAAAAIg/YBZKLBKzyUk/s1600/erin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjy3l5YeI/AAAAAAAAAIg/YBZKLBKzyUk/s1600/erin.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">erin heatherton- my favorite :)</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjzB9H4bI/AAAAAAAAAIk/m2lTVPamg4g/s1600/lily.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjzB9H4bI/AAAAAAAAAIk/m2lTVPamg4g/s1600/lily.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">lily aldridge- i didn't know who she was until this show, she's sooo pretty</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhlpsICz-I/AAAAAAAAAIs/uJAUysFX8RE/s1600/chanel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhlpsICz-I/AAAAAAAAAIs/uJAUysFX8RE/s1600/chanel.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">chanel iman- the 'baby angel', she's the youngest. apparently she's the sweetest as well, according to all the others.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjzmLBq8I/AAAAAAAAAIo/cXS1Z0RjJ-Q/s1600/rosie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjzmLBq8I/AAAAAAAAAIo/cXS1Z0RjJ-Q/s1600/rosie.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">rosie huntington-whiteley- the other girls said she was the sexiest craziest party girl and her only comment was, pointing to her big lips 'these get me in trouble' hahaha</div><br />
aaand here are the pictures from this show's collection, game time.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjHGdYF-I/AAAAAAAAAHs/O0il_4Aw-Gg/s1600/99887_0377.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjHGdYF-I/AAAAAAAAAHs/O0il_4Aw-Gg/s320/99887_0377.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">the back of the cape said knock out</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjHiwD-EI/AAAAAAAAAHw/UnK1ilYo4QI/s1600/99887_0419.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjHiwD-EI/AAAAAAAAAHw/UnK1ilYo4QI/s320/99887_0419.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjIekipvI/AAAAAAAAAH0/h-V440nKfW4/s1600/99887_0473.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjIekipvI/AAAAAAAAAH0/h-V440nKfW4/s320/99887_0473.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjIw32yyI/AAAAAAAAAH4/w2glRyWmJ5g/s1600/99887_0508.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjIw32yyI/AAAAAAAAAH4/w2glRyWmJ5g/s320/99887_0508.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjJeSb3qI/AAAAAAAAAH8/_aDNgnP-YNE/s1600/99887_0552.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjJeSb3qI/AAAAAAAAAH8/_aDNgnP-YNE/s320/99887_0552.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjJ3q59oI/AAAAAAAAAIA/sbLuW80CL6M/s1600/99887_0563.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjJ3q59oI/AAAAAAAAAIA/sbLuW80CL6M/s320/99887_0563.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjKXpjy1I/AAAAAAAAAIE/mv0iJebCniM/s1600/99887_1737.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjKXpjy1I/AAAAAAAAAIE/mv0iJebCniM/s320/99887_1737.display.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">one of my favorite pictures of the show</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjLCuSbXI/AAAAAAAAAII/ylg1RLpNadI/s1600/99887_1763.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjLCuSbXI/AAAAAAAAAII/ylg1RLpNadI/s320/99887_1763.display.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjL086PAI/AAAAAAAAAIM/LNnqCPDXQag/s1600/99887_1804.display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPhjL086PAI/AAAAAAAAAIM/LNnqCPDXQag/s320/99887_1804.display.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><br />
oh! one more thing... when i was commenting on someone's post, i forget whose, the verification code was '<b>purgere'</b>. just thought that was interesting...<br />
<br />
okay lovelies :) have great days, love you all! xox lizUnknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-61362384756430971452010-11-30T20:05:00.000-05:002010-11-30T20:05:55.744-05:00jeansjeansjeansi literally thought my legs were going to fall off today. i wore leggings and a big long sweater, and it's like 30 degrees here. baaaad idea.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>i'm asking my mom to take me jeans shopping as a christmas present. i really want to try them on though so i'm not just going to ask for the jeans themselves. i asked her to come with me and after i try them on, buy them for me. sounds reasonable right? i hope she agrees to it.</div><div><br />
</div><div>i have to be at <i>least</i> 120 before i go shopping. i'd much rather be 115, my ultimate goal, but i don't know when the trip will be. i have to be 120 by christmas anyways, so i should be lower than that since the trip is after. jeans are kind of tough too haha. maybe it's just me but they feel like all my fat is all getting squished together and spilling out all over the place. i want boyfriend jeans, i've never worn them before, i wanna try them.. any other suggestions? what kind of brands do you like? i usually go to abercrombie but i'm not sure if there's another better brand.</div><div><br />
</div><div>that's about all that's on my mind ladies. all i can think about is christmas... all i really want is a decent scale but i don't think my mom would like that... haha. </div><div><br />
</div><div>anyways, here's some jeans thinspo :)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeOL6WQdI/AAAAAAAAAGo/F_zWa2P3o8c/s1600/371069_IMGP6227_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeOL6WQdI/AAAAAAAAAGo/F_zWa2P3o8c/s320/371069_IMGP6227_.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeOj5dbzI/AAAAAAAAAGs/-tOYiD5-D_E/s1600/463296_SDC15882_-_Copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeOj5dbzI/AAAAAAAAAGs/-tOYiD5-D_E/s320/463296_SDC15882_-_Copy.jpg" width="191" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWePBvnYfI/AAAAAAAAAGw/3czDET1avoA/s1600/497575_long_journey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="282" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWePBvnYfI/AAAAAAAAAGw/3czDET1avoA/s320/497575_long_journey.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeP3dAVlI/AAAAAAAAAG0/L7P40Px9w0k/s1600/802373_lb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeP3dAVlI/AAAAAAAAAG0/L7P40Px9w0k/s320/802373_lb.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeQXDbUaI/AAAAAAAAAG4/kCn856zo15c/s1600/839945_Aldo-Calcagni.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeQXDbUaI/AAAAAAAAAG4/kCn856zo15c/s320/839945_Aldo-Calcagni.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeQ0G0KmI/AAAAAAAAAG8/ZnOYh-ctGuQ/s1600/883208__MG_1779_COLORl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeQ0G0KmI/AAAAAAAAAG8/ZnOYh-ctGuQ/s320/883208__MG_1779_COLORl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeTeHSZ3I/AAAAAAAAAHc/lmnZgkCNFKU/s1600/iselinsteiro11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeTeHSZ3I/AAAAAAAAAHc/lmnZgkCNFKU/s320/iselinsteiro11.JPG" width="255" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">iselin steiro</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeThSiJ_I/AAAAAAAAAHg/0gFtLYcIinU/s1600/iselinsteiro12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeThSiJ_I/AAAAAAAAAHg/0gFtLYcIinU/s320/iselinsteiro12.JPG" width="244" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">iselin steiro</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeUE_kSQI/AAAAAAAAAHk/C4T2nRwRLnc/s1600/iselinsteiro13.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeUE_kSQI/AAAAAAAAAHk/C4T2nRwRLnc/s320/iselinsteiro13.png" width="234" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">iselin steiro</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeVHiCLzI/AAAAAAAAAHo/-cUU0-0kL6c/s1600/Screen+shot+2010-11-30+at+7.33.31+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPWeVHiCLzI/AAAAAAAAAHo/-cUU0-0kL6c/s320/Screen+shot+2010-11-30+at+7.33.31+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
</div><div><br />
there are some real girl and some model pictures, all the names i know of the models are in the pictures. iselin steiro is a personal fave if you can't tell :)<br />
<br />
hope you all are doing well! xox liz</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-72894700298332896502010-11-30T00:19:00.000-05:002010-11-30T00:19:38.872-05:00as i watch 'thin' for the second time today...i've realized something! okay <i>so</i> i know i gave you all the link to that documentary 'thin' like two posts ago, and i've been watching it nonstop, i couldn't figure out why. but <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/18331610298823375962">kate</a> saiiid in her comment (this is only part of it) <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">"</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">And I love that documentary, it is so sad. I do find it triggering... but not in a "thinspo" way... something." </span></i></span>which totally got me thinking about why i watch it. i also find it triggering, not in a thinspo way, but in a community kind of way. yes, i have you girls and i'm <u>definitely</u> not saying i don't appreciate/need you girls, i do, i love this little online community, you're all so lovely and supportive. but watching them and hearing them talk is almost like having four little ana friends who i'm listening to. and yes, i'm completely and painfully aware of how god damn <b>pathetic</b> that sounds. i've made friends with anorexic characters from a documentary. but their constant talking about food and calories and wanting to purge is a spoken narrative of what's in my head. it's comforting that they're there and feeling the same type of pain i am. and, everyone knows that misery loves company.<br />
<br />
another thing, i haven't been neglecting your comments basically during most of november, all though it may seem like i have :( i love you girls and your wonderful helpful and supportive words of wisdom. i get my little email notification and read each one of the comments over and over :) it feels like this month has been really long for some reason... so to all the girls who commented during this long month: <b>not.quite.ana; Kate; teaspoon; VictoriaCrimson; Thin_Envy; Lovely Me; Frenzy; Depressed Skinny Mess; kazehana; gem; BellaAna; Kristina; used for : glue; glmx; Almost.Skinny; Sarah; Sea; zette </b>i love you all and thanks for the wise words, basically that's directed to all my 36 followers, i thought i'd have zero for the longest time, it's a wonder that i have you all. thanks for listening to me babble :)<br />
<br />
soo december starts tomorrow and it's a very cold month, a little sweater thinspo is required.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSI84nTZLI/AAAAAAAAAGI/TvJattNd7KA/s1600/404032_lookbookok.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="262" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSI84nTZLI/AAAAAAAAAGI/TvJattNd7KA/s320/404032_lookbookok.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSI9nXj_yI/AAAAAAAAAGM/NPnmFNqoEGM/s1600/498471_look3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSI9nXj_yI/AAAAAAAAAGM/NPnmFNqoEGM/s320/498471_look3.jpg" width="220" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSI-02ypII/AAAAAAAAAGU/jklcJFUPZZU/s1600/779008_lookbook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSI-02ypII/AAAAAAAAAGU/jklcJFUPZZU/s320/779008_lookbook.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSI_tYqUaI/AAAAAAAAAGY/6T6pxrKRuHg/s1600/814526_green_sweater.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSI_tYqUaI/AAAAAAAAAGY/6T6pxrKRuHg/s320/814526_green_sweater.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSJA-F4ttI/AAAAAAAAAGg/z-eW366ywzY/s1600/943574_juliettlookbook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSJA-F4ttI/AAAAAAAAAGg/z-eW366ywzY/s320/943574_juliettlookbook.jpg" width="319" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSJBD9G6wI/AAAAAAAAAGk/MeSlXSTP3dY/s1600/IMG_0602.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TPSJBD9G6wI/AAAAAAAAAGk/MeSlXSTP3dY/s320/IMG_0602.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>may your sweaters always be cozy and your legs that stick out from under them always be skinny :)<br />
xox lizUnknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-17085110430325410422010-11-28T18:19:00.000-05:002010-11-28T18:19:06.389-05:00well i caught up on all your posts! sorry i didn't comment very often, i'm really tired. i got back from new york at 1 am last night and had to get up at 7 am. yuck.<br />
<br />
when i got back i weighed 125 and this morning i was 124.5!!! after a couple hours, after i'd eaten a disgusting 420 calorie muffin and drunk a lot of water, i was 125... i haven't eaten anything since but i have a hard dinner to get through.<br />
<br />
my aunt and uncle and cousins (i was at their house for thanksgiving) kind of suck at cooking... well they don't suck, it's just never all that great. well my parents and i 'redo' thanksgiving every year, instead of turkey we have chicken because my dad doesn't like turkey, no sweet potatoes (i hate them), stuffing/mashed potatoes my dad makes, and good cranberry sauce. so i have that to get through tonight and then i'm set. i can skip breakfast and lunch easily during the week, then i can eat a small dinner.<br />
<br />
i wanna be 120 by christmas... cross your skinny little fingers :)<br />
xox lizUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-26642183795096789032010-11-25T00:27:00.002-05:002010-11-25T00:29:00.326-05:00'thin' documentary and vs angelsyou all should definitely watch this:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF0lAlo80fU">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF0lAlo80fU</a><br />
<br />
i'm rewatching it now... i think it's so good. it's so real. the girls are real and you can tell. some people are calling it thinspo but i disagree. i think it's just relatable, that's why i like it. i don't know, it's really realllly good.<br />
<br />
and then this..:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4NfOqBxu0E&feature=player_embedded">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4NfOqBxu0E&feature=player_embedded</a><br />
<br />
now <i>that's</i> thinspo. i'm so jealous of their beauty, it's effortless. and unfair.<br />
<br />
that's all i have tonight. i leave for new york tomorrow! i'll post when i get back, so happy thanksgiving in advance :) i hope it goes well for you all, i know it can be stressful but don't lose sight of your goals, whatever those might be. you're all beautiful and strong, you can get through it.<br />
<br />
good luck lovelies <3<br />
<br />
xox lizUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-58524556646769587612010-11-23T00:16:00.001-05:002010-11-23T00:17:45.226-05:00<div style="text-align: center;">i just tried to make a list of things that make me happy.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">i could only come up with four.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>cool.</i> life is good.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">also, i'm giving up on this no blogging until i'm 123, i'm still trying to get there, but i miss you girls.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">i've been realizing lately how alone i really am. i can't talk to J anymore, my school friends have all changed and are different people now, my parents hate me, and my camp friends are basically gone.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">i'm almost entirely and completely alone. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TOtNzZpS5mI/AAAAAAAAAGA/faYTyJyPloo/s1600/IMG_0048.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TOtNzZpS5mI/AAAAAAAAAGA/faYTyJyPloo/s400/IMG_0048.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">and i hate it.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-58785188757530729362010-11-21T22:42:00.000-05:002010-11-21T22:42:55.565-05:00J hurt me more than i ever thought he could.<br />
<br />
the only thing worse than watching him feel horrible about it is the fact that i'll never able to forgive him.<br />
<br />
i can't stop crying. i'm <s>barely</s> alive. i've never needed to feel empty more than i do now.<br />
<br />
this isn't my post saying that i'm back, i just needed to say something, i don't know, i'm alive. there.<br />
<br />
i'll be back soon, it may be longer than i planned but i'm on my way.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-80116139862143163592010-11-18T23:21:00.000-05:002010-11-18T23:21:46.060-05:00<div style="text-align: center;">i broke down yesterday while i was in the shower. i saw myself in the mirror after an afternoon of binging and couldn't take it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">i just sat on the floor of my shower under the hot water and cried for an hour. i can't take this anymore, i'm not in control and i hate it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">so i'm taking a little break, just from posting, i'll still try to keep up with your blogs and comment, but i don't want to post until i'm 123.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">hopefully i'll be back soon :)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">xox liz</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-90189422922950557172010-11-16T22:31:00.000-05:002010-11-16T22:31:31.951-05:00let's have a toast to the douchebags.i'm giving up on M, he's just not worth all this effort... hahaha.<br />
<br />
oh and he acted like he was mad at me today for hours at school just for fun. he said that he was just kidding and wanted to see how i reacted. duh i reacted poorly, i ignored that asshole! it was so rude, i'm sick of him.<br />
<br />
anyways, that's not what i wanna talk about today. i wanna talk about the fact that i gained FOUR WHOLE POUNDS. how the hell does that even happen?!? overnight! what the fuck???<br />
<br />
i'm really hoping it's just water weight from all that lettuce... yesterday i was a rabbit.. haha.<br />
<br />
today i was a bottomless pit. i think it's the lack of sleep, it makes me tired and dehydrated. i literally cleaned out my kitchen, i couldn't stop. and i wasn't full when i was done, i was just out of food. i probably ate about 1500 calories in one sitting. that's ridiculous.<br />
<br />
so i figure that it's worse if i blame this all on myself. i think my negative attitude isn't really helping me any. i probably ate that much because i'm exhausted. so tonight i'm going to bed early and hoping that helps.<br />
<br />
i can do this, i can get down to 121 by next week. it's not that much to lose, if all that weight this morning really was just water weight.<br />
<br />
i've got all 32 of you on my side :) there was a while when i was preachin to myself on here, it's nice to know all you lovely ladies are there :) sorry i've been such a bad commenter, i'm reading i promise!<br />
<br />
tomorrow i'm going to try to right the wrongs of today, wish me luck.<br />
<br />
xox liz<br />
<br />
p.s. thinspo post next time! i'm sorting my 845 thinspo pictures as we speak.. or i speak to you. i guess when you're reading this, i'm probably not sorting pictures. then again, you could be reading this right as i post it. or sorting pictures is taking a really long time. i hope it's not that option...<br />
<br />
ack. i'll stop babbling. love you all!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-65377991520829273792010-11-15T22:51:00.000-05:002010-11-15T22:51:44.372-05:00muscle relaxants have weird side effectsi got one hour of sleep last night. uno, une, ONE. from 4:30 to 5:30. i was doing homework until late and then coughed up both of my lungs for a couple hours before falling asleep.<br />
<br />
i've been looopy all day because i took these muscle relaxants (they were prescribed to me! i'm too tense according to my doctor) i came close to fainting like 5 times because i forgot to drink water. i also sat down with a bag of lettuce while watching tv and when i finally realized what was happening, the entire bag was gone. it's mostly worn off by now buuuut i'm still feeling a little weird.<br />
<br />
well it's raining outside and i love dancing in the rain. and i've earned it, i only ate lettuce today.<br />
<br />
hope all your days are going perfecto my lovelies!<br />
<br />
imma be dancin'<br />
<br />
:) xox liz<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TOH_upZV0-I/AAAAAAAAAF8/vE1GUWzjVGg/s1600/316859_Hanneli-Mustaparta-New-York-Fashion-week-2009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TOH_upZV0-I/AAAAAAAAAF8/vE1GUWzjVGg/s320/316859_Hanneli-Mustaparta-New-York-Fashion-week-2009.jpg" width="211" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-64349897167228689092010-11-14T19:14:00.000-05:002010-11-14T19:14:20.966-05:00thanksgiving goals, boys, and panties.i fucked up on the fast, my parents took me out to dinner at this fancy shmancy restaurant in dc and i couldn't not eat. i haven't had anything to eat since so that's alright i guess. <div><br />
</div><div>i think what i'm going to do for this week is have a 0 calorie (or less) total intake. so i'll fast as much as possible, but if i do eat, i'll burn it all off. i'm going to hit my next goal of 121 by 11/21/10, i've decided haha. that's 3 days before i see my super skinny cousins for thanksgiving.</div><div><br />
</div><div>i'm really excited for thanksgiving, i know that sounds weird but hear me out. at my aunt and uncle's house, the do <i>not</i> eat. it's wonderful. like food isn't a big deal for them, they eat little breakfasts, no lunch, and a small dinner, and that's it. it's awesome, i'm so excited. not eating a lot goes unnoticed over there, in fact it's weird if you <i>do</i> eat a lot. </div><div><br />
</div><div>so hitting 121 when i get there means i can probably get down to about 119 by the time i come back on sunday, maybe even lower, i'll let you know when i get back since i won't have any internet connection there. and then it's only three more pounds until i'm at my new lw!</div><div><br />
</div><div>shopping in new york city on black friday at 121 pounds will be awesome, i'm so excited :) </div><div><br />
</div><div>oh... and i've been kind of lying by omission to you girls... i'm still hooking up with my ex boyfriend, remember J? probably not, it's been a while since i've talked about him. we've been on and off since i was a freshman, 3 years about. we're like soul mates, right now we're doing this best friends that hook up kind of thing? it's pretty chill, i like it. it's not exclusive though, so i still am going for M hahah ;) anywho, this may be tmi but we had the best sex in the whole world on friday. i was awesome, if i do say so myself hahaha. </div><div><br />
</div><div>so afterwards we were just kinda laying there on our sides talking to each other, still naked.. he knows about my struggle with food stuff, basically all the stuff i tell you, and he asked me if he made me feel good about myself. i said that yeah, being around him made me more confident and happy, since he's someone who i know thinks i'm pretty and likes me for me. then he went on to say that he doesn't think he compliments me enough and wants me to know that he'll think i'm beautiful no matter how much i weigh. it was just a really sweet conversation, it didn't change my mind about eating or wanting to be skinny, but it made me pretttty damn happy :)</div><div><br />
</div><div>ah exciting news! my mom got me tons of panties from victoria's secret, you know that part of it called pink? well they sold 7 for $25 panties and my mom made a deal with me that if i got rid of the ones i have now, she'd replace them (i don't know why she cares, the ones i have now are from the same damn store...). so i bought 21 pairs...... haha see the thing is by the time they come, she'll have forgotten that i need to throw the ones i have out, so i'll have like 50 pairs in total. i don't know what i'm going to do with 40 pairs of underwear... but outsmarting my mom through this feels <b>awesome</b> hahaha</div><div><br />
</div><div>weeeeell, that's my boring rambly life. i hope you girls are doing well, i need to get caught up on all your wonderful posts! xox liz</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-83893804730486898392010-11-11T21:49:00.000-05:002010-11-11T21:49:43.479-05:00soo....<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">i'm 124 bitches!</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><br />
</span></div><div>okay sorry. it had to be done. i was 124 this morning! granted, it was like 124.7, but still, it's under 125! finally, damn it. but i had to eat dinner so that sucked. it was burger night and my mom was being a bitch. so i had about 700 calories overall for the meal and 0 for the rest of the day. i walked for about an hour and burned about 200 calories i think, so 500 for the day? i'm kind of unhappy with that, i wish it was lower but i was way too tired to exercise a lot today.</div><div><br />
</div><div>sooooooo the entire day, i swear, my brain and my mouth WERE NOT connected. i was saying the dumbest things and rambling all the time, it was horrible. i feel like sending an apology message to all the people i talked to today, they deserve it hahaha i would have freaked myself out.. </div><div><br />
</div><div>i haven't told you ladies about boys in so long, but honestly not much has happened. i still have a crush on M, and he still is being mysterious about who he likes. i'm like 80% sure that he knows i like him so that's a little awkward... pile on the fact that i was talking nonsense today and i'm pretty sure he thinks i'm nuts. <i>great.</i></div><div><i><br />
</i></div><div>on the other hand, one of his extremely attractive best friends was hitting on me today, which is a big deal because the guy is usually an asshole to everyone. i know i know, i shouldn't go for his best friend, but lets be real here. there are a total of about 10 attractive guys at my school and it's not my fault they're all friends. it's theirs, they should have planned for this..... i'm totally kidding by the way... but it is rather inconvenient that they're all friends. </div><div><br />
</div><div>oh! and i was procrastinating on my homework on facebook (as usual) and i found this picture:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TNyokFX2cRI/AAAAAAAAAFY/_K8oA_n1TDA/s1600/39345_1391477991910_1380930168_958498_1474147_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TNyokFX2cRI/AAAAAAAAAFY/_K8oA_n1TDA/s400/39345_1391477991910_1380930168_958498_1474147_n.jpg" width="270" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">the girl on the left has the body i want, obviously.. she's really pretty although it doesn't really seem like it here/you can't really see her face. and she's super skinny. like this is one of the pictures where she looks larger than she normally is. the girl on the right speaks for herself. i don't want to be the fat friend anymore. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">i've been shopping on victoria's secret a lot lately, i know i talked about the bathing suit i got in my last post (the box shipped today!!!). i have some really old underwear that i need to replace and my mom offered to fund new underwear purchases from Pink as long as i get rid of the old ones i have now, soo i'm kind of REALLY excited. the sale is until monday and it's 7 pairs for $25... i'm thinking of buying a lot... i know my mom will pay for 14 pairs but i kind of want 7 more... or even 14. i'm sooo addicted to shopping, but i can't help it! i love clothes. especially underwear. i know this will sound weird, but i love running around in my underwear, especially on a day i'm feeling skinny... it's just so damn freeing. i love having the house to myself, i can do everything half dressed. especially pink/victoria's secret. lace, frills, bows, sequins, bright colors, if it's from victoria's secret, i'll wear it. plus it's great wearable thinspo, just buying it and wearing it makes me want to be thinner. i wanna be that cute skinny girl in the adorable panties. god i'm such a freak hahaha.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">so i'm off to buy more underwear. cross your fingers for 123 tomorrow morning ;) i'll let ya know.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">xox liz</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4798909938092202385.post-11376934243195649852010-11-10T23:26:00.000-05:002010-11-10T23:26:06.769-05:00125 STILLgod damn it, i'm so sick of being 125, i've been 125 for the last few days. i can't <i>stand </i>this. i have no clue how to get out of this rut. i'm not happy with this weight.<br />
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i haven't eaten anything today, i love this feeling of being empty and clean and pure. i know a girl who is in a treatment center near my house and has to have 1500 calories a day. i was thinking about what i would resort to if i couldn't restrict, i don't think the result would be very pretty. feeling empty is my vice, if things are going wrong in my life, nothing matters as long as i'm empty. but if i'm full and things go wrong, i don't think i'd be able to handle it. i'd probably drink a lot, like some of my friends, but worse. or take pills or smoke all the time, i don't know. i hope i'll never have to find out.<br />
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ahh, i just tried to think of something to say that'd be a little happier and i don't have anything.. as depressed as that little bit above sounds, i'm really not that depressed i promise ladies! :) not much is going on in my life right now, my life is pretttty boring. i have alright grades this year, i'm really trying to get them up though, i want straight A's. probably not gonna happen but i've been trying super hard. and i'm really sick of my friends too, so it's really just easier to retreat into myself and not talk to people as much as i used to, and just stay home and do my homework. i've turned into a little recluse haha.<br />
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except for on here though! i love you guys. i lost a follower a day or two ago, trying not to take it personally, i think someone just deleted their blog. but thanks for all the comments and support, i'm pretty sure i'm following all of your lovely blogs, but if i missed a few, just leave the link and i'd love to follow :) there are a few of you i haven't heard from in comments or posts for a while, and if you're still out there reading, know that i'm here for you and i'd love to talk if that's what you need. my email is on my profile, it's beautyisanecstasy@gmail.com. i don't check it that often since my real email is my name and i don't want to use that on here, but if you email me at that one, i'll give you the one i use most and we'll talk there. or there's facebook, aim, whatever. i'm here for you girlies, i hope you know that because i love you all :)<br />
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that's pretty much it for today, hope you all are having/had wonderful days.<br />
xox liz<br />
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oh p.s. i got a bathing suit from victoria's secret! i know it's kind of off-season, but they were having a 75% off sale so all their suits were like $5 and $6, it was nuts, i had to buy one. the sizes were a little effed up since most of them were sold out, they sold out within hours! but i bought:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TNtv7VtV6iI/AAAAAAAAAFU/mW9elNH82Gc/s1600/280x280_23_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CGN6M2dskMQ/TNtv7VtV6iI/AAAAAAAAAFU/mW9elNH82Gc/s320/280x280_23_1.jpg" width="237" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">with solid pink bottoms instead of polka dotted ones. i also got a thong that's cute and ruffly :) all that was about $20, i'm so pumped. all though i won't be able to wear the bikini until 1. i'm skinny and 2. it's summer, it's a nice inspiration.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3